Derrick

 I received an unexpected call yesterday after work.  From Derrick, one of my cousins.  We haven't spoken in a year or so, but it was a nice surprise.  I assumed he wanted to do a quick check in, however, we ended up talking for over 2 hours!  

He wants the "family" to be closer.  He says none of us are getting any younger and how upsetting it is to not have the closeness with his family that he desires.  We began to dive deep, and as much as I wanted to give him encouraging words and hope that it could happen with enough effort and consistency, I just couldn't, because it can't and won't.  Too much damage has been done and for far too long.  I used to feel how he feels.  Many years ago, I wanted us to come together and have a better bond with one another, but I quickly realized, it's just not possible.  It's the reason I've always made friends my family.  It's the reason I have high expectations of my friends.  It's the reason I hurt so badly when they leave.  Having a strong, tight-knit family foundation is ideal and can make going through life's trials and tribulations just a tad bit easier, because you have that support.  But when you don't, you're just free-falling and handling life the best way you can.  

Derrick, you've always been a special cousin to me.  You're not like the rest of them, but what you're attempting to do won't work.  It was written for things to be the way they are and I saw at a young age how loving people that are supposed to love you back can hurt you the most.  I will support and assist you in any way I can, but I gave up on that pipe dream of being closer with family a long time ago.