The book is closed

The very second he told me he applied for an out of state job, a cold shiver went through my body.  I trembled and began to shed thick, heavy wet tears because something inside KNEW he would get the job. It's been almost two weeks, and when I saw his number pop up this morning I already knew what he was going to say.  He got the job.  Talk about devastation... Even though I knew it was coming,  you can never prepare for such things.  It's like trying to prepare for someone you love to die, there's not enough preparation in the world.  He deserves this.  A new life, a new environment, new people, new everything.  A change out of the mundane day to day life in Dallas and the merry go round with us.  Distance is the only thing that would cement an ending to this.  I'm happy for him, but the reality of it is sinking in and I've been crying all day.  

I felt a sharp pain in my chest as I cried on the way home from work.  I begged for a heart attack so I could be zapped out of this place.  It didn't happen unfortunately.  Getting home to Leo who only wants to play, as I cried.  Earlier I begged L to be a friend for me while I go through this transition, and to no avail -- Nothing.  He is incapable of being there for me the way I need him to be.  No one is.  That realization only made the hurt deeper.  Endless tears.  At some point, a switch went off.  I got up, put on workout clothes, and went to Exall Park.  It took me 20 min to run 1 mile.  I just needed to start something, god speed to me finishing.  

Onward and gently upward.